Poe-isms

I spent 2 days in Baltimore Maryland over the weekend and got a glimpse of this beautiful and historic city for the first time. We spent Saturday wandering through Ellicott City's antique stores, enjoying Maryland's local beers and taking photos of the buildings including America's oldest surviving railroad station. Ellicott has been named one of the most haunted cities on the East Coast, we explored an old private family cemetery but didn't run into any ghosts.

On Sunday we headed to Westminster Hall and Burying Ground to find the grave of Edgar Allan Poe. For years I have followed the stories of the "Poe Toaster", a mysterious man who appeared at Poe's original grave every year on Poe's birthday bringing 3 roses and a half full bottle of cognac. The man's identity has never been known and this year the 75 year tradition was declared over after a 3 year absence of the Poe Toaster. When entering the graveyard Poe's monument and new grave is immediately to the right of the gate. To locate Poe's original grave you must wind your way through the historic graves to the back of the graveyard.

When I was a little girl I first read Poe's tragic and haunting poem, Annabel Lee. Like so many of Poe's works, this poem explores the death of a young woman, often believed to be his own young bride, his first cousin Virginia whom he married when she was only 13 and who died when she was 24. Virginia and her mother are buried with Poe in the graveyard.

If you haven't read the works of Poe I suggest starting with his poems. The Raven being his most famous (another tale of a dead young woman with a frightening talking bird, "Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore" and madness thrown in) but his other works, often darkly romantic and of course macabre are also unforgettable. Favorites of mine include, "Fairy-land", "Spirits of the Dead" and "To One in Paradise".

I eagerly look forward to a return trip to Baltimore for more laughter and fun with our friends, exploration of the city, a drive up the coast and more time to immerse ourselves in the history of the area. Maybe even find time to climb aboard the ship USS Constellation in Baltimore's Inner Barbour where we enjoyed lunch before we headed home to Chicago.

Do You Deja Vu?

I have the opportunity this week to step back in time. To literally step into a deja vu.

I've been invited to a dinner party hosted by a friend of 20 years who I haven't seen in over a decade. Those in attendance will be people who in my 20's were very important to me. I walked away over 10 years ago to start a new life and have happily followed new paths ever since.

So I'm wondering, if you had the chance to re-visit a past life...would you?

My decision was fairly easy, I'm not interested but it got me to thinking...why not? When I was younger connecting with old friends was important. Like everyone else I've wondered how people who shared a part of my life ended up. Did a girlfriend I consoled through many a "frog" finally find her "Prince"? Did an old boyfriend get married to a woman who would watch football with him? Did the first couple I know to get married remain together or get divorced? It's natural to wonder but it's also reality that after awhile we just lose touch. In today's society we have the ease and laziness of connecting through Facebook and email. But I think really...maybe the connections just fade too much.

The party I have the opportunity to attend this week would give me a glimpse of a life I lived but also the people who I voluntarily left. They may be living in the same homes, dating the same people, going to the same places. Maybe they have experienced a hundred adventures, fallen in and out of love, changed careers or traveled the world. For me, in the decade since I lived a life with those people (and last saw them), I've lived a number of alternate lives and the idea of catching up over a few bottles of wine doesn't have the appeal it did when I was younger.

I want to remember that life and those people the way we were. Young 20 something couples and friends who loved and laughed, fought and partied, traveled and played...together. I don't want to see the reality of 40 something adults who might still be where I left them or maybe so different that reality will alter the history. There are no regrets, no questions or answers, no lingering loss. A poignant love is all that remains. So I will see them in my memories...not across the dinner table where time will interfere.

Moment to Moment

This year I've had a number of memorable moments. All have been unexpected...some moments have been with people I will likely never see again and some were so memorable I've made friends for life. As I'm looking back on 2009 and planning for 2010, I've been thinking about how when you sometimes least expect it, one of those moments will happen and stop your life for just long enough for you to realize your living it.

Last Saturday I went to a friend's yearly holiday party, same place, same people as usual. But this year something was different. Maybe it was the chemistry of a few of us together. Maybe it was the quiet that happened as guests started to leave around 1 am. But by 2 am a few of us had gathered away from the bar and sat down in front of the piano. Someone cleared the photos off the cover and sat down and started to play. No song you would recognize, he was creating his own music. Then someone remembered our host had a couple of guitars and those got played too. And for a little while, it was a moment that none of us wanted to end.

In May while I was studying at Oxford I had more than a few moments during my weeks there. A classical concert so beautiful, I cried. A night at the pub so fun that afterward we stumbled home singing and laughing. And all those moments with people I didn't know before I got there, some are now friends for life while others I'll never see again. And that's ok.

I don't think you can go find a moment. Mine seem to happen with a sort of chemistry. The right people at the right place. A last minute party, a race at the rivers edge, a concert. I think that's also why I love to read romance novels. So many romance novels are unexpected moments put together. A chance meeting at a dance, a new neighbor moves in next door, an invitation to a house party. Suddenly things that didn't go together do. People that normally wouldn't be put together become friends or lovers. Places you never expected to go, become home. Moments when they happen to me are kinda like a chapter in a book. I go over it again, relive it in my mind. That little fraction in time that for a "moment" didn't have an ending.

Ever Wonder?

Have you ever seen the Disney movie Hercules? For awhile back in the late 90's it was my kid's favorite movie and I think we watched it daily. In the movie there are The 3 Fates, (sisters who in typical Disney style are old crones in the vein of the evil Queen in Snow White or Cruella de Vil), the Fates determine when a mortal will die and share 1 eye which they use to see into the future. I remember reading about the Greek Fates back in high school English class and was intrigued about someone having control over my destiny. Every day I read in the news about random violence, health problems and freakish accidents and I wonder, "Does it make any difference if I lead a good life, stay healthy, be cautious and see my doctor? Will The Fates cut my life cord or will bad luck, wrong place-wrong time or some psychopath do it for them?"
Last year there was a horrific crime in the county where my parents live in Florida. Truly anyone's worst nightmare come to life. A beautiful young mother and wife, abducted from her home in the middle of the day, driven around while she screamed in the car, witnessed by people who called 911, then raped and killed and tossed in a shallow grave. Nothing saved her, not her pleading on the phone to a 911 operator while she was in the abductor's car, not the clues she left behind like the ring she stuck under the seat with pieces of her hair for DNA, not her police man father who was searching for her, not the pleas of her husband. Her life cord was cut. After reading this week about the trial of her killer, who the authorities found after his own family called in to report he had kidnapped the young woman, Fate has been on my mind. It keeps me up at night. Wondering, worrying...Sure another tragic story will pop up in the headlines soon enough and the cycle of Fate or wrong place-wrong time will happen again. I guess it's what you do with your life that matters in the end. I'll continue to eat well, love, learn, travel, explore, share, give, and be cautious and hope that the old crones or some psychopath don't cut my life cord. And I'll remember that young woman in Florida and take comfort in the meaning her short life is having long after her cord was cut.

Mystery Solved...

My friend Kenn sent me the link to a fascinating story of a young artist who went into the woods over 75 years ago and disappeared. Maybe the first "Into the Wild".
Read the sad tale here.